You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
