Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
