I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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