I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
