My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
