There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
