Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
