She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
