her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
