Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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