I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
