i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
