he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
