Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
