piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
