ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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