She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
