my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
