try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
