So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
