maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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