Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
