Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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