Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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