i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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