I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
