We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish I only lived at night.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
