she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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