eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
