In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
