apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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