I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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