I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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