And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize