nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
