In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
