why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
