Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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