I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
