Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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