are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
