literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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