I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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