Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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