I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
