yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
