she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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