I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
