I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
