so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize