this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
