remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
