can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
