I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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