Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
