That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
