I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
