I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
