i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
