i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
