So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
