It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
