I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
