I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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