Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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