I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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