I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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